The farce called Candle March

16th December, 2012 – A girl was brutally raped and beaten and her guy friend was also brutally thrashed and both were thrown out of the speeding bus where they were lying approximately for one hour. No one came to help them in that crucial one hour and they were lying their ignored until someone informed the police and they were rushed to the hospital in an ambulance. That one hour had been very crucial for the girl who could have been saved if she was rushed to hospital in time. And the same people who would have seen them lying on the road and ignored them would conduct a candle march later. 

A true case of complete hypocrisy. A woman’s chain is snatched by speeding bikers and with mute spectators around, a girl is being abducted in a rickshaw and everyone around ignores her cries for help. The girl jumped out of the speeding rickshaw to save herself, hit her head on the pavement and went into a coma. Thankfully, she is out of danger now. A man will openly harass a girl in public with mute spectators around again.

  Once a driver bumped against our car and got into an argument with our driver. Our driver ended the argument and left the spot. The guy followed the driver to our building and our stupid security guards let the guy come up to our house. Our driver had come up and he followed him. He started fighting with us and my sis-in-law was at home with us with my nieces. I told that guy to get lost and do what he wanted to. He pretended to call the MNS from his phone and said he will get our driven beaten up. My sis-in-law got scared and told us to just pay him off. I told him to do what he wanted to and we were not scared. But my sis-in-law just paid him off.

She missed a very important thing that I was trying to teach her. If someone threatens us if we are not wrong, the last thing should we do is get scared and back off. He was threatening us with the MNS. One call to my Complex’s security and he would have been rotting in jail. When you back out when you are not wrong, you are teaching your children who are watching to do the same. And the cycle will continue when they do the same when someone does a crime against them or someone else. The need of the hour is brave people who face up to cowards that the perpetrators of the crime are. Don’t get me wrong. I love my nieces like they are my own children. But the last thing I want to teach them is to be weak women who get scared of anyone who scares them. I am always soft spoken and polite, but God help the person who dares to mess with me. And that’s how I want them to be.

Let me tell you of another incident that happened a few days back. An old lady in my complex was coming out of the bank in our complex after withdrawing money and a young guy came and started trying to snatch the handbag away from her. A lady was passing by in a rickshaw with her 10 year old kid and seeing what was happening stopped the rickshaw, got down and started hitting the guy who was stealing from the old woman and called the police. It was then that the people around who had been mute spectators came and started bashing the guy. A powerful lesson to the guy who was trying to steal from a helpless old woman and most importantly to her son who learnt a live lesson in bravery and courage. I salute the woman everyday.

Let’s take action when the crime is being perpetrated and not when the victim is beyond saving. I end with the saying in hindi that I totally love – “Jurm karne se zyada jurm sehne wala doshi hai.”

Making Others Smile!

Indiblogger’s latest topic in Indispire is about what I might have done that was good for others and brought a smile to their face. This set me thinking and I was trying to remember what I could have done. Then I got my answer. 

     When I had my heart broken, somehow I became very perceptive to pain in other people. Maybe it was God’s way of helping me heal. In the initial after days after the end of my relationship, I was in too much pain. But 6-7 months later, I was a little more in control of myself and that’s when I started sensing pain in people around me. Knowing how difficult it is for people to talk about their pain, I never asked them about what they are going through. I would do small things to bring a smile on their face – share a joke, say something inspirational, give a warm hug or sometimes just listen. 

    Now, it has become a habit for me. I do this everyday. Whether it is my friends, colleagues, people I am travelling with, I always try to make them feel better about themselves and leave them a happier person. This brings me a lot of happiness, peace and keeps a smile on my face always.

When You Fall In Love

You are going about your life in the normal way. You go to office, work hard all day and come back home and sleep, next morning – the same routine continues. Suddenly, one day lightning strikes. You see him/her and recognise your soulmate and a love you never ever felt before. You revel in the love of the other person. Suddenly, life becomes meaningless without them. You see your entire future with them.

     You start planning a life together. Suddenly, another lightning strikes. Your loved ones tell you – you simply can’t marry him/her. You look at your beloved and wonder what defects have your family seen in him/her. They are simply perfect. Then the magic words are uttered,” You belong to different religions and we simply can’t accept your love.” You protest,” But this is my soulmate. I don’t care if he or she follows a different God. I can’t imagine my life without him/her.” Society doesn’t care. There are strict rules laid out for whom you can love and marry. Soulmates and all that are just in movies and fantasy. While your loved ones melt a little at the thought of your happiness, Society reminds them of the unbendable rules.

      So you are left with three choices – leave your soulmate and spend your entire life as an incomplete person, end your life along with your soulmate or run away with your beloved and get married and spend your life in the fear of being killed by the very people who gave birth to you, nurtured you, nourished you all your life – all in the name of Family Honour. 

         That is how most love stories in our country end – making one of the three choices above!

Virginity

In today’s times, it is completely regressive to even discuss the topic of whether a girl’s virginity is important when choosing her as your life partner. I think we are way beyond those times when we should even discuss such things. Why marriages are failing so much nowadays is mostly because men are still stuck to the age old fundas that they have of women – how they should not have dated anyone, how they should have not lived separately from their parents because that raises a finger on their character, it is still believed that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and any woman who expects to marry should be a diva in the kitchen and yes, how did we forget – she should still be earning a five figure salary and yes, be a VIRGIN. Not being a virgin immediately classifies her as a slut and a used item. Sounds horrible? But isn’t that how men talk of a woman who doesn’t hide the fact that she is not a virgin. No matter that they may have slept with so many women to prove their manhood, not even thinking once of what happened to those women once they dumped them. They must be getting judged by another MCP just like them on how she is not a virgin and a slut.

Today, we women have moved way ahead in times. We want marriages of equality, where our partner is our best friend and companion in good times and bad times. Friendship is the main aspect of a successful love story, even after marriage. But men are busy judging women on frivolous grounds, is she a Virgin, will she do what I say after marriage? Will she accept that my word will be the last word in the house? – Doesn’t matter that she may be far more logical, sensible, mature than him, but he will judge her by the age old thought process of virginity, obedience, submissiveness and what not and lose out on a woman worth having.

Men, please wake up and smell the coffee. Today’s woman is smart, independent, strong, emotionally and mentally  and capable of surviving on her own. If you think you are doing her a favour by marrying her, just sit back and retrospect. Who actually needs marriage – men or women? If you are going to judge her on the basis of so-called purity based on virginity, you will lose out on someone worth having and probably regret it when it’s too late.

Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

The first time that I read Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl was when I was 12. The book had an immense impact on me. I saw a girl who was just like any other teenaged girl who was fun loving vivacious, very popular amongst peers. The difference in her is her positive outlook and brave spirit. It is this brave spirit that got her through that trying and difficult time of being in hiding from the Nazis. Her only fault – she was a Jew. They got trapped in Amsterdam, Netherlands in May 1940 with the German occupation of the Netherlands. One by one, all the rights of the Jews were taken away by the Nazis. But Anne and her family still continued to adjust till one day, what they feared happened. Her elder sister, Margot received a call up notice to report for relocation to the Work Camp. Otto Frank, their father, immediately took the decision to go into hiding, They moved into a small place over his office which was a three story place. It may sound very big, but it was a very tiny place, almost like a storeroom. Little by little, more people joined them at the hiding place and there were 16 people staying there. The restrictions were terrible. They could not use water during the day in the bathroom as there was a fully functional office below their hiding place and they couldn’t risk being heard. They had to survive on what the few people who were helping them in their hiding place could get for them as rations. Anne kept her spirit positive and cheered everyone up even when she was depressed.

Their hiding place was discovered by the Nazis and Anne Frank, her sister and mother were moved to one concentration camp and their father Otto Frank was sent to another concentration camp. Anne, her sister and mother died in terrible conditions at the concentration camp. Anne Frank was only 15 when she died. She had received her diary on 12th June 1942, her thirteenth birthday, With the other females not selected for immediate death, Anne was forced to strip naked to be disinfected, had her head shaved, and was tattooed with an identifying number on her arm. By day, the women were used as slave labour and Anne was forced to haul rocks and dig rolls of sod; by night, they were crammed into overcrowded barracks. Even in the camp, Anne tried to bolster her mother’s and sister’s spirits. There was an epidemic of Typhus and Typhoid fever in the camps and Anne and Margot both caught the infection. Margot soon died from the infection. This finally broke Anne’s spirit and she also died soon after. The only survivor of this unimaginable cruelty and torture was Anne Frank’s father Otto Frank.

He went back to their hiding place and found Anne’s diary which thankfully had not fallen into the Nazis’ hands. It took him weeks to finish reading it as he broke down after every few pages. He decided to fulfill Anne’s only recorded wish that she wanted to write a book and her diary would help in it. Inspite of all this, Anne had complete faith in humanity. In her own words,” “In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” A quote that touches my heart and makes me cry every time I read it.

I had visited Amsterdam and the first place on my list was Anne Frank House which had opened to public to see the conditions Anne Frank and her family had stayed in. My mother was not aware of her story. She only came to know the story when she visited the Anne Frank House. My mother very rarely cries. She was in tears all throughout while hearing her story and looking at the conditions they stayed in. You can only realise how tiny the place is, how cramped for sixteen members and what horrible conditions they lived in when you actually see the place. No pictures can do justice to it. Hence, I am not going to even try.

A statue of Anne Frank outside Anne Frank house in Amsterdam.

Anne Frank

IndiBlogger – the haven for Writers

#FlashbackIndiBlogger

I was always very fond of writing since childhood. When I resumed writing after so many years, I showed my first story to a colleague and a friend who is himself an exceptional writer. He loved my story suggested that I should register on IndiBlogger and share my stories and articles. I had heard of IndiBlogger as I am in the Social media field of work. I thought this was the perfect place to share my writings. What can be better than getting the impartial views of people who don’t know you personally?

I registered myself on IndiBlogger and since then there is no looking back. I have got a lot of enouragement, love and positive feedback for the things I write, increasing my confidence even more. Today, I am getting requests from people to write for them and it is a very proud moment for me each and every time I get such a requests.

One of my happiest moments was when an international author(not a famous one) approached me to take my permission to include extracts from my article ‘Returning to Writing’ for her book. She said that the lines I had written about starting to write again were so beautiful that anyone would be inspired by them.

However, I still feel the happiest when my fellow IndiBloggers vote for my posts. I have received so much love, praise and encouragement from them that this is my most valuable takeaway from the website. We are like one huge online family. So yes, IndiBlogger has changed my life and definitely for the better. IndiBlogger Rocks!

What Makes You Think We Are Rich?

What makes you think we are rich? She asked him while looking around their humble hut with straw for beds, a hole with wood in it to cook their food in, she looked at their children wearing old hand-me-downs, she looked at her simple saree. She saw his shirt and the pants that looked so old. She looked at the simple food of rotis and onions that they ate. Once again she asked”, What makes you think we are rich?”

      He thought about this for a long time. He knew that this was not a frivolously asked question. He turned to her. When I see that we have a roof over our head which covers a home full of love and laughter, I feel we are rich. When I look at you and see the light shining in your eyes, I know that I have not failed as a husband and I feel we are rich. When I see our children getting a good education and growing up into talented people with values to be proud of, I feel rich. When I see that simple though our meals are, we never go to sleep hungry, I feel rich. Old though our clothes are, we have dignity and protection for our bodies and I feel rich. When I see rich people’s houses filled with all the comforts and family members at war with each other, our love filled home makes me feel rich.

       When I see my strong and healthy self who is capable of earning for his family, when I see you who nurtures me and our children with her love and care, I feel rich. We are rich in the things that truly matter and that makes me feel rich.

     When she looked at her world through his eyes, her humble hut suddenly became a palace in her eyes and she felt truly rich too.

Love, Loss and Living Again

A few days back, I went to the hospital for my regular winter cold and fever check up. While the doctor was attending to me, a resident medical officer rushed in to inform him that someone had been brought to the hospital after drinking half a bottle of a phenyl. I don’t know anything about the identity of the person who consumed it.

It just got me thinking. What prompts a person to attempt to take their own life? What could they have faced in life that prompted them to take such a drastic step? Earlier, I had a very harsh attitude towards people who attempted to take their own life. I saw them as cowards and incapable of facing life. Though I still don’t approve of suicide, my attitude has changed a little. I now feel that maybe they were left with no choice or saw no other way out of the situation they were in.

There are many signs that you will see in a loved one who is on the brink of suicide – small signs that can easily be missed. If someone you know suddenly starts avoiding people, withdraws into themselves and keep to themselves for a long duration, there is something to worry about. They will not share it easily with you. In fact a person who is suicidal will first completely deny it. Don’t force them. Just be there for them, care for them, let them know that they are loved and be patient. They will eventually melt and share their thoughts with you.

Don’t ever lose your temper or your patience with them. You never know what they may have gone through to feel that way. Try to bring happiness back into their life. Take them out to movies, shopping or just introduce them to your friends circle. When they see strangers warming upto them, they will automatically feel a little more confident about themselves. Don’t ever make the mistake of leaving them completely alone, yet don’t let them feel like you are crowding them – a very delicate balance to maintain.

Now, this is for people who are going through a tough time and finding It difficult to cope. First and foremost, trust and believe that this difficult time will pass, however impossible it may seem right now. Some small tips that will help you cope with trying times:

• Never make one person or one situation the centre of your life.
• Maintain a healthy balance between all your relationships, never making one person the be all and end all of your existence. It is harmful for you and very difficult for the other person, how much ever they may care for you.
• When you have been through a very difficult time emotionally like a breakup with someone you loved a lot or the death of a loved one or any emotionally trying situation, it does change you completely as a person. You feel like you don’t know yourself anymore and feel completely lost. Take small steps in rediscovering yourself.

• Give yourself time to heal. Take the time to feel the pain and the loss of the loved one. Don’t block out your feelings. They will only hit you later and with an even greater intensity.
• Decide for yourself when you are ready to put it behind you and don’t let people force you into that decision.
• At such times, it is ok to be selfish and think about your peace and happiness. If you find being with someone depressing, someone who keeps belittling you about the mistakes you made – especially in a relationship that didn’t survive- stay away from them. Whatever happened had to happen. There are always two sides and you are never completely at fault. You shouldn’t be beating yourself up about it.
• Be around people who make you happy, make you feel good about yourself.
• At such times especially, keep away from the whiners, cribbers as it can affect your mind a lot when you are emotionally weak.
• Share your feelings with people you can trust, but don’t whine or crib yourself too.
• If you want to analyse what went wrong, do it but not everyday and every time.
• If there were mistakes you made in the relationship, be honest with yourself. Accept the fact that you are a human being and you can make mistakes. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up over it.
• Try to learn from the mistakes you made but don’t think of it as judgment of your character and don’t let anyone else convince you of that too.
• Make a list of the things you loved to do before the loss of the loved one.
• Start doing those things, take one step at a time and you will fall in love with life again.
• At the end, remember life is very precious and you get only one life. Don’t think of suicide as an option. If you still experience such feelings, confide in a loved one, ask for help.
•  If there is no one you can turn into, take the help of a professional. Don’t be ashamed of doing that. Going to a psychiatrist is not a sign of being crazy. They are trained in helping people with emotional problems.

Love yourself, believe in yourself, respect life and trust that there is sunshine behind the clouds.